Another lonely broken talent bites the dust. Stop rummaging through the ephemera in his wrecked hotel room and consider how and why his tragic demise and the ADHD are connected
Thank you for this incredibly illuminating, revelatory piece of writing. Hands down the most insightful piece written about this terrible tragedy.
The death of Liam Payne is incredibly upsetting, maybe the most upsetting celebrity death I’ve ever encountered. I barely even knew who he was, but reading articles and watching videos about his life and death was harrowing, it made me think of Amy Winehouse, how she was hounded mercilessly by the gutter press and finally drank herself to death. Something I read is that Amy and Liam were both badly bullied in school, both were working class (so their parents were probably tired and stressed out a lot of the time), and on top of that, Liam spent his earliest childhood as a sickly child in and out of hospitals:
“More than a decade before Liam Payne’s untimely demise, the pop star revealed that he was “essentially dead at birth” and kept falling ill as an infant after being born three weeks early.
Payne made the revelation in his former boyband’s 2011 book Dare to Dream – Life as One Direction. At the time, the singer also shared that he only had one properly functioning kidney due to the string of health issues he suffered after his birth.
Opening up about his medical condition after birth, The Strip That Down hitmaker wrote, “doctors couldn’t get any reaction from me so I had to be brought round and although it seemed like I was okay, there were underlying problems.”
Liam Payne then explained that he arrived three weeks before his mother was due and kept falling sick as a child. The pop star shared how he always wound up in hospitals undergoing numerous tests in between the age of zero to four but doctors failed to “find out what was wrong.”
He revealed that medical professionals eventually discovered that one of his kidneys failed to function properly and “it had scarred.” Payne also shared that he had to get 32 injections in his arm in the morning and evening in order to get better.”
I know you describe Gabor Mate as controversial, but Payne’s childhood sounds exactly like the archetypal matrix for the development of severe ADHD as Mate describes it in his book. It could be a textbook example of the sort of deep-seated trauma he’s talking about. Reading about Payne’s struggles and sufferings, his repeated suicidal ideations, and the endless online abuse and ridicule heaped on him in his final years, in all their gory detail felt devastating, I actually was in tears by the end of it. You can literally see the light go out of his eyes in the youtube vids explaining the timeline leading to his tragic demise. It explains why you can see loads and loads of online comments where the person says something like, “I wasn’t even a One Direction fan growing up, I just knew who they were, but Liam Payne’s death has devastated me more than that of any celebrity.” Or “I don’t know why I can’t stop crying, I wasn’t even that much of a fan.” But I think it’s because his death reveals something truly ugly, chilling and terrifying about celebrity, about the media, and about society in general.
I loved reading this article, packed full of interesting information, insight and stats that demand we stop ignoring the cost to human life through ignorance and stigma. It’s truly tragic what happened to Liam Payne. Being nearer his parents age I felt the deep sorrow at seeing the images of his heartbroken Father. The exploitation of creative gold from those who feel the world intensely through their neurodivergence is a tragic byproduct of the denial and stigmatisation of the existence of neurodiversity. I’m late to the neurodivergent party too. I’m Autistic with a sprinkle of ADHD; Mum of two Autistic and ADHD boys with an ADHD partner, my education into this world has been rapid in the last 4 years. Thanks for writing this article and introducing me to yet another great book on neurodivergence (winging its way to me!)
Thank you for the information. As a fan I’ve been heartbroken since I saw the news. Wish more people tried to educate themselves in both ADHD and the struggles of addiction. Thank you.
It’s so sad and I’m afraid it’s not even that tabloids aren’t equipped to handle the sensitive nature of death, addiction or neurodivergence and more that they have no interest in doing so. I recently lost a friend to suicide, who similarly, was ADHD. I lost both of my parents to alcohol addictions and am more than certain both were undiagnosed, unrecognised autistic. My own late recognised autism, or audhd if you like, alongside complex trauma lent me to similar struggles for a long time. It’s only through a lot of diligence, study and practice; as well as becoming a parent; it’s become something I can sit with and manage. I had a fear of fame since a child, even though I wanted elements of it, I always wanted to be able to share my gifts without myself being a part of the picture - because it just doesn’t come across as a kind environment at all. Hopefully, in time, the levels of support and understanding are going to grow, along with great support systems and services but it’s going to take time.
Do we know if he was on medication for his ADHD? Never was a huge fan, but of some reason his death has really impacted me (perhaps cause I believe have ADD myself, and can resonate a lot to him by looking at his interviews etc.) ;( </3
Thank you so much for such a well written and comprehensive piece. I got diagnosed with ADHD in my early thirties and it’s been transformative and emotional looking back at my life with more of an understanding of my own behaviour. ADHD can be crippling as much as it can be a creative superpower but I often feel like people are invisible eye rolling when I mention having it (“everyone has adhd these days”) Dr Kustow sounds like the man, his book has been ordered! Thank you x
It's always sad to see deaths that could have been easily prevented with proper care. Great share, and yes, our brain can't switch off the DMN (let's say the creativity network) when the TPN (task-focused network) is switched on. So we have a lot more opportunity to be creative. As for the RSD: I can VERY much relate to that, I wrote about it a little while ago.
Yep. That, or what I called 'Trash Can Shame', the inability to do chores (unless there's a fuck ton of mental gymnastics involved) and the shame that comes with that...
Thank you for this thought-provoking and very thorough read. This can’t have been easy to piece together and write, but I’ve no doubt it will touch the hearts of many… and perhaps even create some positive ripples of change.
It breaks my heart when people aren’t fully seen and supported, especially when the outcome is so tragic.
I was dx with ADHD 2 years ago, at 52 years young. It explained the demise of my long marriage and helped me see the Sliding Doors almost-disaster moments of my ‘wilderness years’ with more compassion. I recently learned I’m autistic and am uncovering even more layers of understanding. I’ll definitely be getting that book. Thank you ☺️ (yes this was an overshare. Oops)
This is amazing Kate, thanks so much for sharing. I was diagnosed in April and I've sussed a few things out, but James Kustow’s book sounds indispensable.
Really excellent piece, Kate. As you know, I know a bit about the frontal lobe and dysregulation 😉with my daughter and, even with a diagnosed neurological condition, there is still much eye rolling. Specifically, what has really resonated with me, is that she has been obsessed with One Direction for years, as you know, and having to tell her about Liam was absolutely ghastly. I’ve had to ban her from her phone and the news and the newspapers because of the lurid, sensationalist, uncorroborated stuff within them all. As Cheryl said, he was a human being. Do we need to know about his hotel room or what some woman who says she met him in the lobby says he said? I think not. He was a kind soul by all accounts and truly fucked up by those around him. There may be stuff we don’t know about his behaviour when he was off base, but do we need to know. I’m not convinced that we do. When you’ve seen as many 1D videos etc as I have, you see how talented he was and, as Louis Tomlinson said in his tribute, actually the lynchpin of the band. People sit in judgement on what they term as his behaviour, pearl clutching and so on, but so many of us are all only a few steps away from being Liam. I hope he can rest in peace but I doubt the vultures will let him. Important writing about an important issue. I hope more people can access your piece 💜
Thank you for this incredibly illuminating, revelatory piece of writing. Hands down the most insightful piece written about this terrible tragedy.
The death of Liam Payne is incredibly upsetting, maybe the most upsetting celebrity death I’ve ever encountered. I barely even knew who he was, but reading articles and watching videos about his life and death was harrowing, it made me think of Amy Winehouse, how she was hounded mercilessly by the gutter press and finally drank herself to death. Something I read is that Amy and Liam were both badly bullied in school, both were working class (so their parents were probably tired and stressed out a lot of the time), and on top of that, Liam spent his earliest childhood as a sickly child in and out of hospitals:
https://www.pinkvilla.com/entertainment/hollywood/throwback-when-liam-payne-revealed-he-was-born-three-weeks-early-and-kept-falling-sick-as-an-infant-1354783#
“More than a decade before Liam Payne’s untimely demise, the pop star revealed that he was “essentially dead at birth” and kept falling ill as an infant after being born three weeks early.
Payne made the revelation in his former boyband’s 2011 book Dare to Dream – Life as One Direction. At the time, the singer also shared that he only had one properly functioning kidney due to the string of health issues he suffered after his birth.
Opening up about his medical condition after birth, The Strip That Down hitmaker wrote, “doctors couldn’t get any reaction from me so I had to be brought round and although it seemed like I was okay, there were underlying problems.”
Liam Payne then explained that he arrived three weeks before his mother was due and kept falling sick as a child. The pop star shared how he always wound up in hospitals undergoing numerous tests in between the age of zero to four but doctors failed to “find out what was wrong.”
He revealed that medical professionals eventually discovered that one of his kidneys failed to function properly and “it had scarred.” Payne also shared that he had to get 32 injections in his arm in the morning and evening in order to get better.”
I know you describe Gabor Mate as controversial, but Payne’s childhood sounds exactly like the archetypal matrix for the development of severe ADHD as Mate describes it in his book. It could be a textbook example of the sort of deep-seated trauma he’s talking about. Reading about Payne’s struggles and sufferings, his repeated suicidal ideations, and the endless online abuse and ridicule heaped on him in his final years, in all their gory detail felt devastating, I actually was in tears by the end of it. You can literally see the light go out of his eyes in the youtube vids explaining the timeline leading to his tragic demise. It explains why you can see loads and loads of online comments where the person says something like, “I wasn’t even a One Direction fan growing up, I just knew who they were, but Liam Payne’s death has devastated me more than that of any celebrity.” Or “I don’t know why I can’t stop crying, I wasn’t even that much of a fan.” But I think it’s because his death reveals something truly ugly, chilling and terrifying about celebrity, about the media, and about society in general.
I loved reading this article, packed full of interesting information, insight and stats that demand we stop ignoring the cost to human life through ignorance and stigma. It’s truly tragic what happened to Liam Payne. Being nearer his parents age I felt the deep sorrow at seeing the images of his heartbroken Father. The exploitation of creative gold from those who feel the world intensely through their neurodivergence is a tragic byproduct of the denial and stigmatisation of the existence of neurodiversity. I’m late to the neurodivergent party too. I’m Autistic with a sprinkle of ADHD; Mum of two Autistic and ADHD boys with an ADHD partner, my education into this world has been rapid in the last 4 years. Thanks for writing this article and introducing me to yet another great book on neurodivergence (winging its way to me!)
Thank you for the information. As a fan I’ve been heartbroken since I saw the news. Wish more people tried to educate themselves in both ADHD and the struggles of addiction. Thank you.
It is very sad, how eternally lost people can become in the substance abuse they turn to for release and relief
Wow. So informative. And the more I read about ADHD, the more things start to make sense.
✍🏽
It’s so sad and I’m afraid it’s not even that tabloids aren’t equipped to handle the sensitive nature of death, addiction or neurodivergence and more that they have no interest in doing so. I recently lost a friend to suicide, who similarly, was ADHD. I lost both of my parents to alcohol addictions and am more than certain both were undiagnosed, unrecognised autistic. My own late recognised autism, or audhd if you like, alongside complex trauma lent me to similar struggles for a long time. It’s only through a lot of diligence, study and practice; as well as becoming a parent; it’s become something I can sit with and manage. I had a fear of fame since a child, even though I wanted elements of it, I always wanted to be able to share my gifts without myself being a part of the picture - because it just doesn’t come across as a kind environment at all. Hopefully, in time, the levels of support and understanding are going to grow, along with great support systems and services but it’s going to take time.
Picked up my copy of the book today.
Do we know if he was on medication for his ADHD? Never was a huge fan, but of some reason his death has really impacted me (perhaps cause I believe have ADD myself, and can resonate a lot to him by looking at his interviews etc.) ;( </3
Thank you so much for such a well written and comprehensive piece. I got diagnosed with ADHD in my early thirties and it’s been transformative and emotional looking back at my life with more of an understanding of my own behaviour. ADHD can be crippling as much as it can be a creative superpower but I often feel like people are invisible eye rolling when I mention having it (“everyone has adhd these days”) Dr Kustow sounds like the man, his book has been ordered! Thank you x
Thank you for writing this. My late diagnosis was a blessing but can feel so lonely sometimes. I can’t imagine adding fame.
Fantastically written and I agree with the above who said this is all she has found that makes sense. Very educational, thank you ❤️
The only piece I've read during this tragedy that's made any sense. ❤️
It's always sad to see deaths that could have been easily prevented with proper care. Great share, and yes, our brain can't switch off the DMN (let's say the creativity network) when the TPN (task-focused network) is switched on. So we have a lot more opportunity to be creative. As for the RSD: I can VERY much relate to that, I wrote about it a little while ago.
Will take a look coz RSD will be the death of me, that or the interminable DeMoN
Yep. That, or what I called 'Trash Can Shame', the inability to do chores (unless there's a fuck ton of mental gymnastics involved) and the shame that comes with that...
not sure that will kill me, however it might make people I live with want to murder me!!!
For me shame and depression have gone hand in hand and on a rollercoaster ride for most of my life. Luckily not any more!
A respectfully thoughtful read Kate. Thankyou.
Iv ordered James Kustow’s book.
Thank you for this thought-provoking and very thorough read. This can’t have been easy to piece together and write, but I’ve no doubt it will touch the hearts of many… and perhaps even create some positive ripples of change.
It breaks my heart when people aren’t fully seen and supported, especially when the outcome is so tragic.
I was dx with ADHD 2 years ago, at 52 years young. It explained the demise of my long marriage and helped me see the Sliding Doors almost-disaster moments of my ‘wilderness years’ with more compassion. I recently learned I’m autistic and am uncovering even more layers of understanding. I’ll definitely be getting that book. Thank you ☺️ (yes this was an overshare. Oops)
Those adhd sliding impulsive doors. Killer
Potentially, yes. I remember them very very clearly!
This is amazing Kate, thanks so much for sharing. I was diagnosed in April and I've sussed a few things out, but James Kustow’s book sounds indispensable.
Really excellent piece, Kate. As you know, I know a bit about the frontal lobe and dysregulation 😉with my daughter and, even with a diagnosed neurological condition, there is still much eye rolling. Specifically, what has really resonated with me, is that she has been obsessed with One Direction for years, as you know, and having to tell her about Liam was absolutely ghastly. I’ve had to ban her from her phone and the news and the newspapers because of the lurid, sensationalist, uncorroborated stuff within them all. As Cheryl said, he was a human being. Do we need to know about his hotel room or what some woman who says she met him in the lobby says he said? I think not. He was a kind soul by all accounts and truly fucked up by those around him. There may be stuff we don’t know about his behaviour when he was off base, but do we need to know. I’m not convinced that we do. When you’ve seen as many 1D videos etc as I have, you see how talented he was and, as Louis Tomlinson said in his tribute, actually the lynchpin of the band. People sit in judgement on what they term as his behaviour, pearl clutching and so on, but so many of us are all only a few steps away from being Liam. I hope he can rest in peace but I doubt the vultures will let him. Important writing about an important issue. I hope more people can access your piece 💜
And heaps of love to you all including the naughty sausage 🌭
Same to you all 😘
Same to you all xx
Thanks Mich, I know a little about the path of his decline and ADHD sliding door fork in the road moments can be literally killer…